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General Category => General Chat => Topic started by: dominiquerichards81 on July 25, 2021, 02:56:15 PM

Title: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on July 25, 2021, 02:56:15 PM
Dear Sluts, Slaves, Trainees and Keyholders,
I was not sure whether to add this into my “New to being a keyholder” post or start a new chat.  Clearly, I decided on the latter and have done this to keep the conversations separate and, hopefully, easier to follow.  If you are new to my posts then it might help to read the aforementioned ‘chat’ as it will put this conversation into better context.

I need your advice about why my husband wants, in fact needs, to be caged and punished.

In the initial stages of my hubby exploring chastity, he locked himself up, for quite some time without telling me.  It was only during lock down 1 that he had the courage to tell me, which I applaud him for as he clearly was struggling with his sexual needs at the time.  During the early stages I was just aware of when he was locked but as time went on he asked me to be his keyholder.  I found this very strange and still cannot understand why he needs me to be the KH.  I welcome your views on that one 
Being his KH progressed into role play and, more recently, the role play has become a way of life.  Even when he is out of his cage, I find that I am more commanding and stricter on him than earlier on in our marriage.  He also responds to this and is so much more attentive and interesting to be around; he actually shares his thoughts more.
What I don’t understand is why he accepts the punishments.  I know that he can relieve himself, even when caged, but he seems to not want to.  I have asked him for his view on the matter and I am not convinced that he fully understands the need to be dominated or why he accepts the punishments so willingly.  Let’s be candid, I have been getting quite cruel recently and sense that he still wants more!
Hubby has said that:
1. His work life is so intense and he has so many responsibilities, being a slave is relaxing for him
2. When caged his hormone levels build up and the cage is a constant reminder that he shouldn’t relieve himself without my permission.  For him, this is constant joy!
3. That, as he has got older, he sometime suffers from ED and being a servant to me, without the use of his manhood, means he can still enjoy the passion of pleasing me without the guilt of being a disappointment in bed (something that I have never berated him for)
I am struggling to understand whether I am being unkind to him with the punishments and could in fact be reinforcing his lack of libido?
What are your views, self-reflection and great wisdom that you can share with me?

Yours truly and bemused,
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Legend on July 25, 2021, 09:07:52 PM
There are different nuisances in every kink and chastity is one of them. Each kink in the community also has ornery links which are also often present. Here are some examples: masochism and punishment, chastity and sissyfication, or chastity and pegging. They don't always exist together but they are commonly associated. I can only describe what chastity does for me.

As young as 26 I would become slightly sick for a while after an orgasm. I was young and my youthful energy made up for the difference so it never was an issue. The more orgasms I would have the worse it got. I did not find the correlation for years. It takes about ten days for all of the negative affects of an orgasm to wear off. Now that I am older it takes fewer orgasms to make me sick. I've always loved self pleasure. I would do it every single day. Some medications I was on would raise my libido until I was doing it sometimes four times a day. No matter a man's age of he's cumming that much every day he's going to be producing dust instead of semen.  I knew I had to do something. I realized I couldn't prevent myself from self pleasure. There was this chastity device I had seen in one of the adult shops online. At the time I thought it was just weird. Later, I bought it to curb my habit. I actually found it hot. The first time I wore it I left to walk to the store straight away for a fountain drink. The lock was tapping against the cage under my loose shorts diving me crazy. I wanted to scream, "Oh my God! Do you know what I have under here? This is so hot! "  As time went on I noticed my health, happiness, energy, and caring about other people increased. This is where let holding comes in. Everyone in chastity needs a mechanism so they can't get the key whenever they want. It took years in real life for me to find key holders. Your husband is so very, very lucky you agreed to do this for him. Now I have custom 3d printed cage, dissuasion spikes, and a piercing. I am a happier person, healthier, and able to do a little work despite my disability (I'm narcoleptic).  Another thing about chastity is the hormone change. The longer I am on three more hornier I become. Sometimes as horny as when I was a teenager. It's good to feel youth. My ED is also much less. Due to my narcolepsy it can take my body hours to cum during intercourse if at all. Going through the refectory period in chastity makes it easier to climax the next time.

Another aspect other than health is predicaments. I've always gotten turned on by predicaments. Having your stuff all locked up where you are getting more excited everyday and you have no control over getting relief is really hot. Or makes my mind always think of the horniest times I have had which in turn increases my horniness even more. Having a girl get pleasure out of me suffering through the pleasure drives me crazy. You see, she's getting pleasure and I'm getting pleasure (but no relief). Also, I have no control. Piercing makes it impossible to pull out. The spikes prevent me from stimulating myself inside the cage and getting an orgasm. Add in that the key is always hidden unless I am tied down and I have no control what did ever. I can now relax and not have to constantly be worrying about if I'm going to break down and rub one out.

Giving another person pleasure is more powerful to a person than their own pleasure. While I'm locked I still want to be kinky. I do enjoy being tied down and "used" but that is with my consent. I want to get denied (and don't at the same time) because once I cum the fun is over.

I've never been a punishment guy. I have no idea what goes through my subs heads either. My guess is it helps them to control themselves. It takes more effort to not eat the jellybeans on the coffee table by oneself than it does to know a punishment is coming off one does indulge. What you should succinctly get in your mind is he has expressed a _need_.  Fulfilling his need with his consent is not unkind. Morally speaking doing the opposite would be unkind. The punishments are something he wants, consents to, and enjoys. If you don't want to give them to him because of guilt then you are only thinking about you. (If you just don't like doing it that is a different issue). If you enjoy a little sadism (or a lot) and he does too then it will only improve your relationship. Morally speaking both of you must consent. That's right, even the top has the right to say they won't do something.

So, after all of that let me get to a point. If you enjoy being cruel and he enjoys you being cruel then you have matched needs. Getting mutual needs met improves relationships. If I were you I would find that limits of what you both enjoy. Either did this with talk or experimentation. Communication is the number one best quality of kink. Once those are found stay with in them.

Women are culturally indoctrinated they are supposed to please others, be "a good girl", not to stand out or the other girls will gang up on you, etc, etc. Why? Like really, why? There is no reason. I had an experience in a tease and denial scene. I was tied down and she was stimulating me but not letting me cum (so hot). Most girls instinctively think about their partner's pleasure. Well, during this she goes over to the dresser, pulls out and Hitachi, and proceeded to get off on my suffering. This in turn got me more excited to the point I am just over the edge of truly begging to cum. This only got her even hotter to the point of multiple orgasms with each one driving me even more crazy with lust. The only thing which could have topped that off would have been her locking me back up and saying I got mine. Yours doesn't matter. Is this "How a girl is supposed to act"? Yes, because we both loved it.

PS. If you are worried about his libido, try out various forms of teasing. Try wearing something he find sexy. Try what I did in my scene described above. Try whispering fantasies in his ear. Just try experimenting together and grow closer. You get to have fun with this. Keep him denied though. Once he cums you have to start all over.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on July 26, 2021, 04:44:43 AM
Aging does have an effect on all of our libidos, it's a natural progression of life. Whether you are enforcing his lack of libido or just giving in to his desires is anybody's guess.

Without knowing your husband, it is impossible for me to offer any insights into what might fuel his impulses or desires.

Don't know if it will assist you, but you may want to check out the resources available at collarncuffs.com
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on July 26, 2021, 07:58:56 PM
Dear Legend,
Thank you so much for your honest and eloquent reply.  I have found this to be very informative and feel less worried about my own or hubby’s feelings of guilt or judging ourselves to being misfits with our ‘experimentation’.
I have read your thoughts to my hubby and he related well to much of what you said.  In his own words “So we’re not weird?  We just need to be true to ourselves, communicate to one another honestly about our needs and learn what each other’s limits are.”
You have clearly had a journey of discovery and reading your words has given us the confidence to look internally rather than being constrained by social expectations.  We have both revisited your words several times and discussed the similarities that my hubby has had, regarding ED, the joy found from building up to but not actually achieving orgasm  and how much he enjoys the passion of the bedroom following the continuous role play that we are having where he is allowed to focus and enjoy me.
Again, thank you so very much, you have helped us tremendously to look at ourselves differently and without judgement.  I can certainly agree with your name for this occasion😉
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique and Subby xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on July 26, 2021, 08:13:50 PM
Dear Odslutpuppy,
collarncuffs.com is brilliant!  I and my hubby have spent quite a while today exploring the site.  He will certainly be trialling some of the methods described there to pleasure me and, for a role reversal, he will be trying the rope work on me!  I know, this is unchartered territory for me and I'm nervously excited by it!  Our thinking on this is, if I am to understand what he gets from bondage then I should also experience it; practical research if you like.
From discussions today, hubby has opened up more about his challenges with ED and how it has spoilt his enjoyment of sex.  He has also opened up about childhood experiences of cross dressing and joy of always being the prisoner in games of 'war' that he played.  This took great courage from him and at one point he looked so vulnerable I nearly cried "Why have you been doing this all alone?  It must have been so difficult and confusing for you!"  I supposed that was a different millennia and social stigma was so horrible.
One great thing to come out of today is I will stop feeling guilty that I am having all of the orgasms and being so 'cruel' to him.  Now that I know how much pleasure he is getting from my role as his Dom’ and his satisfaction of controlling my body, I will go forward with confidence and joy.
Oh, how I wish we could turn the clock back 20 years; so much fun and experimentation missed:-(  We have much catching up to do😉 
Thank you again Odslutpuppy, once again, you have come up trumps; you’re a star!  If you have any other advice, please add to the post or contact me by other means😊
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique and her slut, Subby xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on July 27, 2021, 01:30:00 AM
Happy to have been of service in some small fashion, Mistress Dominique 😀.

I must admit, I was hesitant about recommending the other site while here - I certainly don't want to disrespect Chastikey in any way. But it is an important resource for a more "rounded" FLR. Looking forward to hearing how things progress for you and your subby (and your trainee as well - looks like you have your hands full, Mistress Dominique) 😉😁🤗
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on July 29, 2021, 01:22:40 AM
I'm gonna come at this from another perspective.

Why do some people like to go running?  play tennis? Or soccer?  Chess?  Read books?  Listen to music?  Go to the theater?  Some of these I understand (books! Chess!), others I just don't get (running? Isn't that torture?).

Different people like different things; there's a saying "Every Person Is Different" (EPID).

So why is BDSM any different?  Just because it involves the "wibbly bits" and so is taboo to talk about ("shush; it's about sex! Can't talk about that!"... even if there's no "penis in vagina" sex involved, it's still considered sexual and thus taboo) doesn't mean it's inherently different.  Some people like it, others don't.

Almost 2% of people indulge in some form of BDSM ( https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18331257/ ) in a year.  So while this is a minority, it's not _abnormal_.

Why do people get into it?  Many many reasons.  "Dominant at work, submissive outside" is a very common one.  As is anxiety ("am I pleasing my loved one?"); having structure and well defined goals can make it easier and less mentally stressful.

For me, it's both mental and sexual.  I'm relatively senior at my company and have a lot of responsibility.  Instead of being the one who decides what is to be done, being tied down and flogged means I have just one responsibility (safeword if it's too much).  It's also sexual; just the act of my Mistress tying me down causes an erection.  She's joked before, as she's put me in a corset, then my penis is a sign that I enjoy this.

Similarly, chastity.  Paradoxically, the thought of being in chastity makes me hard... which also then makes it hard to put a cage on! 

Some men want to have sex with everything that moves.  Not me.  I get turned on by being controlled.  Being controlled, surrendering myself to someone I trust (literally when I'm tied down and can't escape she has the power of life or death, and I trust her absolutely) is an amazing turn on.

So.. EPID.

Now I do have one caution.  Some people get into this lifestyle because they feel they're unworthy and demand punishment and being demeaned as a way of reinforcing that status.  This isn't healthy, obviously.  But it doesn't sound like your husband is going down that path because "more attentive and interesting".  The positive sides of this relationship can be enforced; if you demand something from him and he does it well then praise him.  The sheer joy of knowing I've pleased my Mistress is good positive reinforcement.  "Carrot and stick"; you can't just be strict, you also have to reward.

From what you've written, it sounds like this is being good for your relationship.  You're communicating more, he's more relaxed, you're enjoying yourself....

This is sounding healthy.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on July 29, 2021, 11:40:01 AM
Dear bdsm,
Thank you for your views, I appreciate the time you have taken and the analytical style of your comments makes me see things differently: less ‘dirty’ and more ‘creative’.  I am continually relieved and in admiration of the matter of fact approach that everyone on Chastikey, at least those that I have communicated with, have towards BDSM and the like: “keep it fun and keep it kind” (where ‘kind’ is used in the broadest sense of the word” 😉) seems to be the message
Regarding my husbands love of BDSM, I suppose I still have the initial feelings of shock and fear that I had from nearly a year ago, when I first discovered his needed to be caged and had other interests that he pursued behind closed doors.  The ‘shock’ was not having a clue that this was happening and the ‘fear’ that the ED, which has been a issue in our relationship for decades, would be reinforced by the humiliation, I was giving him, plus the cross-dressing and denial that he has experimented with.  I was scared that my loving husband would next be telling me that he wanted to become a woman!  I know, this probably sounds ridiculous, but at the time, and with my upbringing of traditional social values, it is what I feared.  I mostly believe that this is not the case but it is still there and might always be there.  Again, there is the importance of communication and I should bring this new self-understanding up with him; I know that he will be honest and respectful of my fears.
What has surprised me, more than anything, is that he wants me to be the dominant.  This is such a strange concept for me, I have always considered our relationship to be equal.  In the bedroom I have always wanted him to dominate me.  Friends and colleagues have always commented how much we are a partnership and have such love of one another.  Sorry, not boasting, I’m just adding information to help with the next question.
I have always dreamed of being bound and dominated by my husband.  The other night, when we tried this, it was the most intense evening of my life for years!  Incredible and I don’t want it to end there. Now, here is a question that I need help with.  How am I to be his dominant Mistress, giving him what he needs but at the same time be tied, teased and dominated in bed by him?  Is it possible to be dominated by a submissive, caged and waiting for rewards or punishments?  I wonder if there are others out there that have gone through the same problems?
My hubby, having read a real life book about a teacher who became a dominatrix, has suggested that we might try going to a BDSM party.  “What!” was my initial reaction.  “With our jobs, that would be insane!  I wouldn’t even know where to look for one.  The danger would be being recognised and what if it is some seedy event, yuk.  On the other hand, it does thrill me, the thought of meeting other dominants and submissives.  I’m not sure what happens at them and how one behaves or even dresses; sorry, that is the girl in me, always worried about the right outfit😉  Does anybody have advice on this?
When I cage my hubby, or humiliate and tease him, he explains that he is enjoying it, sometimes there is pre-cum, I think that is what it is called.  However, this is the only sign, he rarely gets an erection, unless I directly stimulate him or use prescriptions.  This has always been the case and when the ‘good times’ arrived, it was always when his brain was switched off from thinking about “Will I get hard, stay hard…”  I know the ED is playing a big part here but I don’t know how to get him to switch his brain off.  I feel that he is still not fully relaxed and is holding back; perhaps he is embarrassed about really enjoying himself and what I might think of him afterwards?  Well, that is going to be another discussion point, I know that I am his soul mate and won’t be going anywhere, I need him to convince him of the same!
Some things are clear, the role play, caged chastity and a wealth of BDSM that is out there, is there for our choosing.  Your helpful words and observations, along with the comments of others, tells me that we should enjoy ourselves and grasp it with both hands, even if the hands are bound and we are blindfolded😉
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique (with my Subby sat obediently reading at my side) xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on July 29, 2021, 12:09:19 PM
What you're asking is also very common.  Many dominants also have a subby side.  This can also help if there's some overlap between kinks.  My Mistress is similar, and sometimes when she's wondering what to do with me she just thinks "what would I like being done to me? let's do that to him!" and it mostly works :-)

There's also a concept called a "service top", where the person doing the topping is being directed by the bottom.  This idea could be introduced into your bedroom scenes.  You could even use it as a way of gaining rewards ("if you don't make me orgasm twice tonight then I won't do ..."). 

He can even remain caged, using a strap-on, or using his tongue or fingers (or all of the above :-)).

Potentially it could even go further into your fantasies... if the idea of being taken by a masked man turns you on then you could put him in a leather mask (locked on!).   Imagine the scene... you've been kidnapped by a masked stranger, tied up, gagged, and then roughly taken by a larger-than-life dick...   For some couples that type of scenario may work (the mistress gets her subby side itch scratched and the slave gets to please his mistress all without actual release from the cage.

I'm sure you'll find stories and scenarios that would work for the two of you.

As for parties, I suggest going slow; finding a local "munch" (fetlife.com may be a way of finding them) where you can start to get to know the other people in your local area in a "normal" setting.

(Personally I'd wait until post-COVID... but that's just me)
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on July 29, 2021, 02:17:34 PM
Thank you bdsm,

Once again, if I've thought somebody else has explored it:-)

Your ideas sound fun and certainly will give me food for thought.  I think my Subby will enjoy additional locks though I'm not sure how I feel about masks...yet;-)

I agree, re Covid and meetings.  We have plenty to work through that will keep me entertained and him busy for the next number of months:-)

Kind regards,

Mistress Dominique xx

PS No Subby next to me this time, I want to surprise him ;D
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on July 30, 2021, 01:18:29 AM
I would second many of the points that @bdsm brought up. And just to add a couple of things regarding play parties and munches.

You can often find munches by Googling "munch + your location" (either your city or the nearest reasonable sized city if you live in a small town). Many munches are held in a local restaurant and often fetish wear is discouraged. Think of it like sitting down for coffee with like-minded people where the conversation could range over a broad spectrum of topics. This would be a great source to find out more about any play parties (when things start to open up again).

I don't know how things are in your neck of the woods, but where I am munches have just slowly started up again. I don't expect any play parties to be running until at least the fall. (or at least none that I would consider...but I'm the cautious type).

As for the fear of being recognized at a play party... something to think about...if someone recognizes you, then you would also recognize them. Sure, it can make for a little awkwardness the next time you see them, but most people in the kink community have a "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" mentality.

The very first time I attended a play party in my local community I was extremely nervous about what I was getting myself into. Almost turned around and left. And then I ran into a fellow that I knew in college years before. He introduced me around to a few people, one of which I knew from volunteer work that we both did. Never suspected that either of them had any kink inclination until that night. And yes, the volunteering was a little tense the first couple of times, but it wasn't long before it gave us a "private joke" to share between us. She ended up being a favorite play partner when we ran into each other at events.

Keep in mind too, that there are many different types or themes of events. Just because one isn't your cup of tea, might just mean that you haven't found your niche yet.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 03, 2021, 02:22:01 PM
Oops, wrong conversation.  Please see my other post
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 03, 2021, 11:38:32 PM
A strange dilemma for my husband has appeared and I'm not entirely sure what to agree to.   Tomorrow we have a whole day of hiking, covering over10 miles and climbing in excess of a 1000m. He doesn't know whether to remove his cage,  which in his own mind is whimping out and cheating or keep it on and risk wear-and-tear on himself? This also has the potential of causing issues for our merry band of walkers.
Subby has been in his cage for most of 3 weeks so might be hardened to it but this is an unknown for him.
If we take keys,  how is he going to remove the cage in the open terrain without some awkward comments?
 Oh,  the dilemma of chastity, and the comfort this offers, vs the sensible reality and guilt of 'cheating'.
Can I still be his dominant if he isn't caged? In honesty,  I think he is also worried about being uncaged and 'free'.
What do you advise?
Mistress Dominique
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on August 04, 2021, 12:59:47 AM
Some people have required "something else" when not caged.  e.g. make him go hiking while wearing a pair of panties and when you get home you can lock him up again.

In that way he's reminded of his position, and you're still controlling him.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 04, 2021, 08:31:01 AM
Excellent suggestion, I was wondering whether a bra should be included; possibly too far?
 Unfortunately he forgot to pack the red set I bought him,  tut-tut, so I'll have to loan him a pair of mine. They had better be washed  before he returns them; that will be interesting for him to do when using shared wash facilities:-)
Thank you bdsm,
Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on August 04, 2021, 03:23:24 PM
"Wondering if a bra should be included; possibly too far?" There's a fine tightrope to walk with that question. "Pushing" kink on others without their consent is generally frowned upon. Depends too on how open you are with your friends. If one of the other walkers notices the outline of the bra, will it result in awkwardness or some good natured teasing?

Of course he should have to wash them before returning your panties. It will help him remember to be better prepared in the future. Shared wash facilities are just like good comedy... timing is EVERYTHING. If he's lucky, he can time it so that he's the only one using the facility at the time. If not, maybe others will think that he's just being helpful to you.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 04, 2021, 07:51:02 PM
Agreed, and thank you for the etiquette guidance; I'm still unsure of what is OK and what is too far.
The panties were enough and Subby was a complete gentleman; at my elbow the whole time.
It was quite a challenging walk and I certainly needed he assistance on one very step climb: wobbly knee time for me again:-( without doubt,  removal of his cage was the safest thing to do and didn't impact on his attention to detail.
That said,  now that we're back, showered and shared undies freshly washed,  Subby has asked to be caged again.
What is it about the comfort of an often uncomfortable cage? Is it psychological?
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on August 04, 2021, 07:58:33 PM
What is it about the comfort of an often uncomfortable cage?
Why is it uncomfortable?  Most of the time I forget it's there, until there's the reminder (eg bending over to pick something it... or, of course, the overnight erection).  It may take time to get used to it, but eventually it should just feel natural.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 04, 2021, 08:53:53 PM
Hello bdsm,
Yes, Subby has explained to me that through the day,  unless he is doing particularly strenuous activity, he forgets that he has a cage on. 
The nighttime is definitely his most difficult time.  He uses baby oil and vasaline but still wakes up several times each night. Mostly this isn't a problem but over the length of a week the broken sleep does worry me,  especially if he is driving. That said, he does feel that he has more physical energy and feels emotionally relaxed each morning.
Is there light at the tunnel,  will the nighttime sort itself out with time? I have checked the size of the ring and it appears to have enough space for movement; the fact that he forgets that it is there during the day further supports this thinking.
I'm sure that he would welcome your advice though.
Kind regards
Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on August 04, 2021, 09:29:13 PM
Overnight erections are natural.  3 or 4 per night is not un-normal.  So overnight cage erections are a consequence.  Some people claim it goes away... it doesn't for me.  My longest lock is over 170 days and I was still having overnight erections.

What helps, for me, is ensuring I pee a lot before bedtime.  Also shaving pubes (not totally smooth, but very short) helps because what wakes me up is the pubic hair getting caught between the penis shaft and the ring and then on an erection the cage pulling forwards and so effectively pulling the pubic hairs.  Ouch!

Without the pain I can sleep through most overnight erections.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 05, 2021, 11:04:13 AM
Hello bdsm,
I have required Subby to shave regularly and so that has probably helped him. It could simply be "breaking in time" is the solution.  The way he describes the pain,  it is the folds of skin at the bottom of his scrotum which get squashed when he is erect.  I suppose that is something that goes with time or does he need a larger ring?
This is so complicated to me;-)
Mistress D
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on August 05, 2021, 05:18:10 PM
Mistress Dominique,
If you can insert your pinky finger between the ring and his body up to the first knuckle, then the ring is not too tight and it would be inadvisable to switch to a larger ring.

The area of the scrotum you're describing is a "softer" part of the anatomy and it takes some time for the skin to toughen up. Keeping it slightly lubricated may help, but time will be the big factor. One thing to watch for (from personal experience) is to make sure that the area is not being rubbed raw. The lubrication should help with that, but vigilance is important.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 05, 2021, 06:44:48 PM
Hello Odslutpuppy,
Great to hear from you again.
My goodness, this is all very complicated,  maintenance of my hubby is almost as bad as my car; and that hasn't been hoovered in years;-)
Still,  I suppose the investment in his upkeep pays for improved servitude of yours truly and that is definitely worth it,  particularly recently :-)
You men are high maintenance though.  It says on the tin "Treate like a puppy dog" but in reality you are more like racing horses and constantly need rubbing down!!!
Regarding the 'raw' he is certainly getting red.  It might be necessary for an early release and a couple of days of R&R. He won't like that!
What is your advice here?
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on August 05, 2021, 11:40:37 PM
Complicated, Mistress Dominique? Men aren't complicated (or so I've been told). We only think about two things, right? 😉😋

I'd advise to keep a close watch on the redness and to have him lubricate the area more frequently for a couple of days to see if that helps. Trust me that prevention is better than the alternative because it seems to take forever to heal if it gets to the raw, open sore stage.

What type of ring does your device use? A solid ring or a handcuff ring? If it's the handcuff style often the rivet is made of a nickel alloy and a significant number of people have a sensitivity to nickel - which causes additional issues. Also, the rivet itself seems to lie just in the right spot to irritate that sensitive skin.

If you do note that the irritation is increasing, I'd advise release until the area returns to normal. He may not like it, but it's not his job to like it... it's his job to do what makes YOU happy. 😁
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Samantha64 on August 07, 2021, 05:12:26 PM
Mistress Dominique,

Hi,
Late to the party but I thought I would add some information. Playing with Chastity for 3 or 4 years now but it has taken a while to find both a cage type and ring size that suits me. Started on the CB range - the ones that hinge at the bottom of the ring but found that painful closing. Metal ones just too heavy and bulky. In a Holy Trainer type one now and have been for most of the past year (working from home in the pandemic - godsend for chastity!). I did have to use a nail file to smooth off some of the casting marks. Currently I have a bit of plaster stuck to the cage which stopped the final place it rubbed.
Cage length - again it took a while to decide what suited me. My cage allows me to start getting aroused but no more. I do have a cage that would allow full erection but that doesn't do it for me. I wouldn't want to try a ultra small cage that allowed no room - not sure on the long term effects of that.
Baby lotion when I put the cage one.
Removed once a week generally for cleaning.
Intrigued on the shave closer but not smooth answer previously supplied. Electric shaver so I don't know how to do that.
I think twice in the past year one of my nuts has slipped behind the ring - normally when I have twisted or stretched. Not painful luckily but one should always have an emergency key available just in case. Mine is in a small clear perspex box padlocked - very much in case of emergency smash!
I'm single so can't really answer the very start of your thread about why a married man would wish chastity.
Summer so i'm trying to cycle ever day - no way I can do that with the cage on. So every day I remove the cage, cycle, have a warm shower soaping around that area but resist temptation, and lock the cage back on. So what i'm trying to say is that in my mind i'm in chastity 24/7 even if not actually wearing the cage 24/7.
As an aside I've just finished a 44 day stint last night and I feel bare, like something is missing today.
Hope this helps.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 07, 2021, 07:17:53 PM
Hello Samantha64 and thank you for adding to the conversation.
All thoughts and experiences are welcome. What is interesting to me is that everyone has their own method and I'm pleased that there is no judgement upon what is right or wrong.
Etiquette guidance is always useful and is never taken negatively.
I suppose my interest, in addition to the logistics of being caged,  is why you men do it.  Sharing each others reasons helps me to understand what my hubby needs but also what I can add to the experience to make it fun without making it something dark.
I read one book,  Taming the Beast, which had some interesting ideas and advice but the way that the man's wife talks about him is as though he is nothing more than a dog.  I respect my hubby and know that he tries his hardest.  However,  he also likes to be caged and for me to be in control of his freedom.  Thus far,  the times I have been a real cow to him have all been in role play and so not every minute thoughts, nor how he knows I actually feel about him; we discuss these games often to check.
Not sure if that makes sense but I welcome your thoughts all the same.
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: softspeak on August 08, 2021, 03:00:40 AM
     As a male, I think I can give a bit of input, my opinion anyway, to the question, "Why do men like to be caged".
       I can't give an easy answer, even if there were just one.  But I can tell you what mine is.  I was married for many years. My late wife and I had a wonderful life in the bedroom and in the world.  Unfortunately, I never had the bravery to tell her about my thoughts about using a cage. I can’t know her opinion, but bondage was mutually enjoyed.  I bought my cage too late to share with her.  But, back to the question.
     In my case, I love the ability to be reminded of my submission and loss of the choice to change my mind about it.  I believe I have always been a submissive and my cage is a constant and undeniable reminder of belonging to my keyholder.  It removes all of the inhibitions and socially imprinted expectations of my male position in a relationship.  As a man, even one such as I, who believes women are superior, we have been conditioned to believe the man should have the final word. Although I always try to compromise the best I can but my GF or Wife will always win.
     Again, back to the question, the cage gives the keyholder the power to have us do anything she wants while removing any excuse we may be able to think of to object.  Thereby, it frees me, allows me to bow down, and give all to her. That feeling of freedom is priceless to me.
      (I love being owned by a woman, and the cage reminds me of my position constantly.)
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Rahere on August 08, 2021, 02:55:25 PM
Quite apart from the kink scene, bright nerds run their brains really hard, and need grounding techniques to back off from overload. These essentially express as various forms of sensory denial, commonly latex and bondage without much of the dsm end - they're pretty sure of themselves if they haven't been wrecked by the neurotypical-neurodivergent conflict, not being "normal".
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Rahere on August 08, 2021, 03:16:11 PM
Just to observe the protocols, someone talked about rope play here. Safe, Sane, Consensual implies having a decent rope-cutters to hand as an emergency release, and the usual suggestion, surgical shears, don't rate in practice - try them to see. I use X-Shears, which are up to the job. Try to learn from a shibari studio, because standard knot in common use can "turn over" into a dangerous form, the reef/square knot being a classic case, becoming a lark's head slip-knot.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 08, 2021, 06:24:24 PM
Hello Softspeak,
Honestly and eloquently put, thank you for sharing.  And quite right,  we women like you men to be men as long as you get it right, and when you don't,  which is often  it is our responsibility to remind you of it;-)
How sad that your wonderful wife was taken from you before you were able to share all of your dimensions and for you both to explore them together.  So sad... It is hearing experiences like this that makes me so grateful that my hubby took the plunge and was able to reveal his need to be caged.  I know how scared he was in doing this and I am sure he is not unique in this.
Yes, my Subby has said the same,  regarding handing over his freedom and how liberating this is for him: "when I am caged,  I no longer have to be the sexually charged stud, as existed by society,  and instead can focus upon the deeply fulfilling desire to pleasure you with my entire body and mind."
Again, thank you for sharing.
I would love to know how more woman find having a caged husband. Perhaps, Softspeak, if it is not uncouth of me to ask,  what are your partner's view?  Sorry if this is rude to ask and feel free to ignore.
Yours kindly,
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 08, 2021, 07:08:13 PM
Hello Rahere,
Interesting reasons you have and thank you for sharing.
Yes,  being caged does seem to calm things down.  My hubby really gets obsessed by jobs,  either for work or around the home.  Once he is caged and after the settling period, which he describes as "calming down and ignoring the feelings of anxiety (I'm supposed to be doing something now?)", he becomes calmer and more observant.
This has done wonders for him on so many levels and makes him so much more caring and interesting.  Previously we would either talk about work or house jobs, once caged he observes me and the kids at such a deeper level.  Plus he also takes more of the thinking away from me and helps to run the household. As for the passion, wow, so much more intense:-) :-)
Thank you for helping me to reflect upon these bonuses of having a caged husband.
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 08, 2021, 07:19:19 PM
Hello everyone,
I am taking this time to reflect upon all of the honest and heartfelt comments that you have been posting. Each comment gives me greater insight and my hubby is also learning from them too. Thank you.
I am also aware that I can talk a lot and possibly spend too much time explaining or responding to your comments.  I always feel that since you have taken the time to write your thoughts that they deserve similar time in their acknowledgement. I hope that they help you in some way.
 If, on the other hand,  this is not the case then please let me know and I will not waste your time with lengthy postings.
Kindest regards,
Mistress Dominique xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: softspeak on August 08, 2021, 07:32:19 PM
   Dominiquerichards,  I am sorry but I am unable to give a view from my partner... I don't have one at this time.  My relationships don't go much further past the good friends point.  I have only used online Keyholders until I found this application and Website.
     -softspeak
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Samantha64 on August 08, 2021, 10:37:56 PM
Mistress Dominique,

Single as mentioned before so limited insights into a married man's motivation.
Jobs - those horrible jobs that have to be done around the house and obviously if I don't do them then they don't get done.
Locked in chastity, motivation to get them done and to a high standard with a real or imagined Mistress checking up.
Once locked up then the desire and even need to please with the threat of longer lockup if Mistress isn't happy.

I will answer questions as long as you think I can contribute.
Don't worry about your long descriptions explaining your situation, it all adds context to try to provide answers.
We are all discovering what suits us, what turns us on and how to make this work.
There is no right or wrong way (apart from safety).
Whatever works for you and your husband.
Only the two of you can find that fine line where his fantasy and real life meet.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 18, 2021, 12:06:26 PM
Hello Chastikey et al,

Passion feelings have gone flat…

Do any of you ever have days when everything feels emotionally flat?  This is how I and my husband feel at the moment and we don’t really know why.  We returned from a vacation a few days ago and though we have not returned to work yet, our passion has almost evaporated and everything in that department feels… uninspiring.

As some background…

Prior to our vacation we had an intense two weeks of role play, passion and, for Subby, frustration and mild humiliation whilst being caged.  We then had a fortnight away in the caravan which was full of fun, passion and continued denial.  Hubby did not take his eyes off me and we were both holding hands and flirting like a couple of teenagers; much to the disgust of our own 3 teenagers😉  We couldn’t have been closer if we tried.

For my last posting, I explained that we were going to a sex toy shop whilst away on holiday.  This was for Subby to buy some items to spice things up for us when we returned home.  The build-up to the visit and the actual outing were interesting.  Up to the actual day I was really excited by it whereas Hubby was very nervous, possibly because of my mischievous comments and looks.  On the actual day I was so nervous I nearly sent him in by himself!  I have never been in a sex shop before and could imagine very easily the scrutiny that I would get when I entered.  Hubby on the hand, was very excited and explained to me “It is all part of our role play Mistress, just get into character and I will do all of the talking.”

I was pleasantly surprised with how friendly and professional the owner was; she could not have put me at any more ease if she’d tried.  Hubby was very talkative and also took the onus off me; he definitely gets a reward for doing that 😊  Anyway, one strap on, a rather interesting vibrator and a definite glow to my cheeks later, we left to have a romantic walk around the local town.

Now that we have returned everything has gone flat, and we both feel it.  At first, we thought that it was just end of holiday blues but we still have more time off so it probably isn’t that.  We then thought that it was just tiredness from the journey but 3 days later, the flatness is still there.  Hubby is still caged but in his own words “This isn’t exciting me and is just a ‘thing’ that I am wearing”.  The toys have been fun but this has mostly been functional rather than meaningful.
The only conclusion that we have come to is “The list of jobs to do…Lack of time to flirt…Need a new role-play game…” but even these are: “Yes, but not entirely”.  Can one have emotional burn out? Can you have too much of a good thing?  If so, is it just ‘give it time’?  If so, that sucks >:(

I know, the rest of the world has way bigger problems and this certainly pales into insignificance in comparison.  However, this is something that I am hoping can be more easily fixed and I welcome your advice.

Yours poutingly,

Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on August 18, 2021, 12:50:00 PM
"Can one have emotional burn out"

Most definitely.  But it's rarely long term.

You may also have a mis-calibration as a result of "new energy" high.   You've just come off a long sustained high, from the holiday and all the new things you've tried, and the excitement and the pushing of boundaries.  And now that's over, you're not sure.   (related concepts: "sub drop" and "top drop") It's a lot of work doing that!  You may feel exhausted and uninspired afterwards.

And this is pretty common.  You get into a new thing and it's super sexy and super powerful and you think you can redefine yourself in those terms... and then suddenly "Is that it?  Is that all there is?".   Some people try to push the envelope further and try new things and are always seeking that new thing (heh, sound like a drug addict or thrill seeker?  It's similar!), others settle into this new normal.

So, for example,  "just a ‘thing’ that I am wearing" is normal.  That's how I feel about my cage 90% or more of the time.  It's just there, part of me.  Until that time when I want to play with myself, find it's blocking me and I get a reminder of my place... and that then turns me on (just writing this is causing a reaction).

Porn and chastity memes and similar sometimes give an unrealistic expectation; "locked chaste guy always worshipping his Mistress on the hope of being given temporary release" is a fantasy, not a reality.  Fantasies are fun to play for a while, but when they're over you have to re-adjust to reality.

Husband/Wife, Mistress/Slave, KH/Locked, Top/Bottom... whatever... they're background that help _define_ your relationship, but they're not the whole of the relationship.

You don't have to be horny for each other all the time! 

Heh, some people argue that chastity only really starts when you want out of the cage; until then it's just a game :-)
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on August 19, 2021, 04:31:11 AM
Got to second what @bdsm said   in spades! The energy it would take to continue that high 24/7 is ridiculous...and not realistically achievable. Femdom was once described to me as a dance where one takes two steps forward and one step back.

Give yourselves some time... it's a marathon not a sprint.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on August 19, 2021, 12:00:44 PM
Dear bdsm and Odslutpuppy,

Thank you both for putting our minds at rest; your experience and level headed advice always helps:-)

I do now think that use of chastity cages and sub/dom relationships need a health warning;-)  We were both staggered by how we felt upon our return from vacation: mental exhaustion and physical numbness.  I know that the movie, Fifty Shades of Grey, is fantasy but the explanation that Christian gives to Anastasia of "After a session, you will want your own room and space." is so true!

And bdsm, likening bondage and role play to the euphoria of taking drugs, certainly sounds right, especially the desire to look for even bigger highs!  That is slightly worrying but we are both level headed people and communicate well so this helps us to stay in control rather than becoming slaves to the hormone induced drugging of our passionate encounters.

I am pleased to say that several days of rest and immersing ourselves in mundane house jobs has been the right kind of come down tonic and the passion is starting to return:-)  Judging by the puppy dog looks from Hubby and my desire to tease him with my body, we are making a healthy return, he-he;-)

I was honestly worried at the beginning though.  Now that I know what to expect I will be better prepared for the next episode and enjoy the wait.  Hubby likened it to the delayed gratification that he experiences from being caged for days; something that I could only guess at but now have experience of, be it of a mental rather than physical enslavement.  It actually is a really great feeling!  The gradual build up is incredible and will be something to look forward to rather than be worried/disappointed with next time.

Happy days and thank you both.

Yours tinglingly,

Mistress D and Subby xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on October 06, 2021, 01:22:34 AM
Mistress Dominique and Subby,

It has been a bit since we've heard from you - hoping that "drop" didn't completely knock the train off the kink rails. It's been known to do that. Somehow I much prefer to believe that it's just everyday life (and this darn pandemic thing) that is keeping things quiet.

Wishing you both the best and a most happy Locktober.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on October 23, 2021, 07:12:02 PM
Hello Oddslutpuppy,

Lovely to hear from you and sorry if I have caused any concern.  We are both well, though the return to work has been brutal with insane amounts of work to do.  Still, we're not complaining.  In this crazy post-lockdown-2 time of slow growth, panic buying, fuel rather than toilet rolls this time, and concerns about what we are doing to the environment, we're grateful that we have jobs, health and each other.  Am I right?

Anyway, the post euphoric slump after our amazing fortnight away, righted itself within a week.  I had Subby under a leash, licking at the cream like a kitten and me purring like a lioness, if you can read between the lines, within a week.  With the memories of our vacation and reenergised role play, the passion even carried on for a couple of weeks into work; unheard of for us!

Oh well, the last 5 weeks have been a blur of 12 hour days of 6 day weeks but we are on a break for a long weekend! Only one day into it, with zero commitments, and the saucy thoughts are coming to life once again, Yey! :-)

The plan is for the kids to stay with friends and we have a couple days in a hotel.  It was such fun packing: "Hubby, do you like this dress...and these stilettoes...these panties?"  His eyes almost popped!  When I then made him pack his bag with the 'toys', he almost baulked with the list of items that I prescribed would go into it, prrrrrrr ;)

So, one more night at home, Subby is neatly trimmed and locked up.  Tomorrow he gets to be the perfect gentleman, and I mean PERFECT.  He won't be, of cause, but we both need to shake off the rust and learn how to please one another...the fun way!  :)

Love to you and impish grins to everyone else...

Mistress D
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Pc0001 on October 24, 2021, 08:52:13 PM
Thanks for the update, glad to hear everything is going well 😀
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: EchtesLeder on October 25, 2021, 03:33:13 PM
The binds of bondage and control between partners can be incredibly overpowering. There are some who embrace this to such a degree that they find a love that romantics can only ever dream of.
On the flip side the odd few will want more and more and if the partner can't provide the need then a few may extend into a darker world outside.
Don't read too much into my words though. It sounds like your hubby craves for your control. But as a measure of getting it right take the precaution and make sure he is locked when leaving your side. Maybe let him rest without the cage in bed occasionally because long term can cause sleep deprivation due to the night time "wood effect"
One word of advice to add though! ALWAYS put the cage back on after Sex! This way you and your partner can take the game out of the reality

Dear Sluts, Slaves, Trainees and Keyholders,
I was not sure whether to add this into my “New to being a keyholder” post or start a new chat.  Clearly, I decided on the latter and have done this to keep the conversations separate and, hopefully, easier to follow.  If you are new to my posts then it might help to read the aforementioned ‘chat’ as it will put this conversation into better context.

I need your advice about why my husband wants, in fact needs, to be caged and punished.

In the initial stages of my hubby exploring chastity, he locked himself up, for quite some time without telling me.  It was only during lock down 1 that he had the courage to tell me, which I applaud him for as he clearly was struggling with his sexual needs at the time.  During the early stages I was just aware of when he was locked but as time went on he asked me to be his keyholder.  I found this very strange and still cannot understand why he needs me to be the KH.  I welcome your views on that one 
Being his KH progressed into role play and, more recently, the role play has become a way of life.  Even when he is out of his cage, I find that I am more commanding and stricter on him than earlier on in our marriage.  He also responds to this and is so much more attentive and interesting to be around; he actually shares his thoughts more.
What I don’t understand is why he accepts the punishments.  I know that he can relieve himself, even when caged, but he seems to not want to.  I have asked him for his view on the matter and I am not convinced that he fully understands the need to be dominated or why he accepts the punishments so willingly.  Let’s be candid, I have been getting quite cruel recently and sense that he still wants more!
Hubby has said that:
1. His work life is so intense and he has so many responsibilities, being a slave is relaxing for him
2. When caged his hormone levels build up and the cage is a constant reminder that he shouldn’t relieve himself without my permission.  For him, this is constant joy!
3. That, as he has got older, he sometime suffers from ED and being a servant to me, without the use of his manhood, means he can still enjoy the passion of pleasing me without the guilt of being a disappointment in bed (something that I have never berated him for)
I am struggling to understand whether I am being unkind to him with the punishments and could in fact be reinforcing his lack of libido?
What are your views, self-reflection and great wisdom that you can share with me?

Yours truly and bemused,
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on October 27, 2021, 11:24:26 AM
Hello EchtesLeder,

Thank you for your thoughts and you have had good insight and certainly have mirrored some of my thoughts.

In the early stages of our ventures, which are not that long ago so I'm not sure that "early" is very accurate, I was certainly worried that my hubby was starting to think of getting his gratification from somewhere else.  However, it is very clear that his heart is certainly a slave to me.  I know, possibly a vomit comment;-)  But for him, it goes much deeper than puppy dog eyes and youthful, which he is not, love.  His need for my approval runs very deeply.  In fact, at the beginning when I discovered that he was cheating in his cage, he was stricken with guilt afterwards and genuinely needed my forgiveness before he was able to feel relaxed and...re-sexualised.

That said, after we have had one of our 'sessions', his passion goes through the ceiling and his confidence shoots up too.  His eye certainly wonders from my face; I have caught him ogling other woman on several occasions! And so, your advice of getting him caged soon after sex, just to remind him of what he has and what I am offering, is very sound.  Having just returned from a break away, I am pleased to say that he is under lock and key once again.  When I ordered him back into his cage he was surprised but very quickly pleased that the fun clearly had not ended.  24 hours on and I asked him if he was still happy with being under my control and the answer was a resounding 'yes'.  He is also very relaxed which is always a good sign with him.

We both love the tension build up and even as I type, my impishness is starting to wake up and I am thinking of what my Subby needs next;-)

Thank you again and take care,

Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: EchtesLeder on October 27, 2021, 11:56:56 AM
Lol, ogling other Women is definitely a male thing but it is not always the Woman some are looking at. (Most men maybe yes) But maybe he has desires for their dress code or maybe he has a kinky lust to dress himself. To me it sounds very much like you have the key literally!!! I would extend his Chastity confinement to all times other than for hygiene, pain relief and common sense i.e Airport, taking kids Swimming etc. The most difficult time for him to put the cage back on may be after making love but there is some real sense in making sure he does!!! Why? First of all it is a reality check which really does tell him who is boss. It can be a difficult moment for him but also incredibly enhancing. Finally all you have to remember Is that this is what he wants and if he didn't want relocking then you would have the right to question whether he just wants the game or true bonds to his Wife.
I have the impression you are good with his interest in chastity and I often think many Women would love this kind of opportunity. The only word of warning is NEVER show weakness because that would tell him you are not really in charge. For the fantasist that's no problem but for someone proclaiming they seek only reality then make sure you are always in charge.

Hello EchtesLeder,

Thank you for your thoughts and you have had good insight and certainly have mirrored some of my thoughts.

In the early stages of our ventures, which are not that long ago so I'm not sure that "early" is very accurate, I was certainly worried that my hubby was starting to think of getting his gratification from somewhere else.  However, it is very clear that his heart is certainly a slave to me.  I know, possibly a vomit comment;-)  But for him, it goes much deeper than puppy dog eyes and youthful, which he is not, love.  His need for my approval runs very deeply.  In fact, at the beginning when I discovered that he was cheating in his cage, he was stricken with guilt afterwards and genuinely needed my forgiveness before he was able to feel relaxed and...re-sexualised.

That said, after we have had one of our 'sessions', his passion goes through the ceiling and his confidence shoots up too.  His eye certainly wonders from my face; I have caught him ogling other woman on several occasions! And so, your advice of getting him caged soon after sex, just to remind him of what he has and what I am offering, is very sound.  Having just returned from a break away, I am pleased to say that he is under lock and key once again.  When I ordered him back into his cage he was surprised but very quickly pleased that the fun clearly had not ended.  24 hours on and I asked him if he was still happy with being under my control and the answer was a resounding 'yes'.  He is also very relaxed which is always a good sign with him.

We both love the tension build up and even as I type, my impishness is starting to wake up and I am thinking of what my Subby needs next;-)

Thank you again and take care,

Mistress Dominique x
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on November 04, 2021, 11:31:13 AM
Hello Chastikey and definitely KHs,
Discoveries at lunchtime…
I need your guidance on a discipline situation that has just occurred.  Note, Subby is currently prostrate at my feet as I type and so you can see how finger twitchingly angry I am! 
Hubby has had to work from home for the last few days due to work issues.  Naturally I didn’t trust him and he has been caged for the duration.  I have also been checking his search history to ensure that he has not been looking at any porn.  The advantage of him being at home is the washing is all up to date and I have not needed to cook any meals.  This has meant we are both less tired and have been able to relax in front of the fire of an evening, chatting with the kids and generally getting snuggly.  He has been incredibly attentive and denial in the evenings has been difficult for him but rewarding at the same time…especially for me.
Today I thought that I would come home for lunch as surprise my darling husband.  As the kids would be out at school, we could spend an hour being romantic.  When I arrived, I was surprised to see that his computer was on but no hubby.  Instantly I knew that something was afoot, call it KH intuition. 
Listening carefully, I could hear some noises coming from the bedroom upstairs.  Was he searching for the key or trying to satisfy himself using crude methods?  Tip-toing up the stairs and going to the door of our bedroom, I could definitely hear him in there.
Opening the door quickly I found my slut of a husband stood in front of the wardrobe mirror, camera in hand photographing himself.  But that isn’t the worst of it, though he was still caged, he was wearing my corset!  What the hell, I bought it for me as a Christmas treat to him.  He didn’t have any complaints back then I can tell you!  Now he was wearing it.  I thought that he had put the cross-dressing to one side?
At first we just stared at each other in stunned silence.  Then he dropped the phone and ran to me, blubbering about something and apologising profusely.  At first, I wanted to cry, thoughts of “My husband is a sissy!” but then that quickly turned to anger, “That is my possession!” I thought to myself.
“How dare you!  Get down on your knees slut and do not look at me.  This is going to take some time for me to process.”
“Yes Mistress, I am sorry.  I won’t ever do it again.  Please, any punishment, just don’t leave me.”
“Don’t be so stupid.  I knew that you are a transvestite in your mind but you made a promise that you wouldn’t wear woman’s clothing without my permission. You have soiled my favourite corset with your stench and spoilt something that was good.”  Venom was literally dripping from my lips.
“Now, silence, I need to think.  This is going to cost you dearly.  I will never look at you in the same way again. Sissy!”
And so, I come to you:
1. Am I over reacting?  I find cross-dressing so strange for any men and when it is my husband, father of my children, that is something else completely.  I love him so deeply but this feels like betrayal.  Is he even masculine anymore?
2.  There must be a punishment.  Apart from him not doing his work, he was also touching my things.  What do you recommend?
Yours fumingly,
Mistress Dominique
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on November 05, 2021, 03:53:06 AM
I find it interesting how people equate clothing with gender. If one looks back at the manner of dress throughout history, there are many instances of men's clothing which could be thought of as being feminine in nature. It was only a couple of hundred years ago that men were wearing wigs and having their faces powdered.

We all have our own limits of things that we are comfortable with. Are you over reacting? That's not for anyone else to say. The whole issue does appear to push a button for you....and him for that matter. You have to decide whether you can put up with his interest in cross dressing or if it is a hard limit for you. Whatever the result, one of the two of you are going to have to compromise....but isn't that the nature of a relationship? Give and take by both partners at some time.

As for the punishment...I would agree that there should be consequences for his touching your things without permission, and for neglecting his work. But I'm not sure that I know either of you enough to make any valid suggestions. I would, however, be interested in hearing about what you decide to do.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on November 05, 2021, 07:24:06 PM
Hello Odslutpuppy,
I understand what you are saying.  I’m still working out in my own head why seeing my hubby in woman’s clothing pushes such a large button for me.  To be honest, he has pretty good legs and he could pull off a skirt and stockings very well.  He certainly doesn’t have a problem with wearing woman’s clothing or judging others, male or female, with doing the same.
One of the big issues is the lying.  He told me that he was going to stick to one set of rules but behind my back is doing something else.  I know that he won’t do anything serious, such as see another person, but truth is important to me.  I also like to be part of his passion and whenever we have shared our desires, life has become considerably more fun.
Using my stuff is another big issue.  How can I put the corset on as part of my role as his Domme and KH knowing that he was the last person to wear it or that when he sees it, he is picturing himself wearing it?
As his punishment: for using my things I have decided to take something of his away.  In this case it is his favourite cage.  For the week he is in the one I like.  Unfortunately for him, this one is too small for the night time woodies and so he is going to be losing some sleep!  As for not working, Hubby is now coming home half an hour earlier but is working through lunchtime to make up the time difference.  This means that I won’t be cooking dinner for the foreseeable future. 😊
As for the compromise.  Cross-dressing is something within him that isn’t going to go away.  I have seen in his eyes how it gives him such a deep level of satisfaction, almost relaxation.  The passion that it instils in him is definitely worth it.  We will need to talk this through but I am thinking a small budget for clothing that he wears, some private time to dress (until I can get my head straightened out) and no more sharing my bloody clothes!
Thank you for listening and advising,
Mistress Dominique xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 01, 2021, 05:48:54 PM
Hello KHs, sluts et al,

I'm disappointed to say that Hubby caught the retched Covid virus and has been isolating for the last five days.  Fortunately we are both double jabbed and strong so nothing to worry about.  You can imagine that I had a mixture of concern for his wellbeing and distrust of what the naughty little slut would get up to being in the home all alone.  Call me soft, but I decided to trust him and allowed him to isolate in the spare room unlocked.

That isn't the end of it though, the annoying slut then gave covid to me and now I'm having to isolate too!  He's several days ahead of me and so is on the road to recovery accordingly.  This morning, after the kids went to school (both clear on LFTs of cause), Subby woke me up, depositing a key next to my pillow.  Can you believe that he had locked himself up and was giving me puppy dog eyes!

Now answer me this, two years of avoiding covid, the fool gets it and the only thing on his mind is sexual release.  What is wrong with him! ;-)

Yours coughingly,

Mistress D xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: Devious1sworld on December 13, 2021, 08:38:38 AM
For me as a male who enjoys being caged/locked, I see it as a more powerful orgasm for 1 and more importantly it makes us focus more on our partners pleasure above ours. Most women usually last a bit longer than most males. In many cases once males are finished the fun is done. Hope this helps.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 13, 2021, 09:37:55 AM
Hello Devious1sworld,
Thank you for taking the time to reply.  I agree for sure with the first point.  Hubby has always had issues with ED and so 'love making', if it can be called that, was always focussing upon him getting hard, staying hard and coming.  Fine if you are making babies, not much fun if you are looking for intimacy.  And, of cause, once the deed was done, his interest in me would stop and I was the one left being frustrated.  Can you believe that I accepted that for years!  Now his arse would be red-raw if that ever happened;-)
I am glad that you have found the benefits of being caged, in terms of pleasing your partner first and, possibly, only pleasing them.  Without doubt, since my Hubby has followed the path of chastity he is way more relaxed in bed, is able to concentrate of fulfilling me and, most importantly, we have learned to communicate.  The latter started with me telling him how to be more attentive, which was very weird as, when not in work, telling people what I want is not my default by any level of interpretation.  Therefore I have also grown as a person, both in confidence but also laying bare my feelings and needs.  That takes a tremendous level of trust and I can imagine that people early on into a relationship or about to reveal that they want to experiment with chastity, will find that threatening and risky.  For Hubby and me, it has cemented our marriage and I know that my darling husband listens far more deeply to me.
For him, it has been a kind of 'coming out of the closet' experience, if only to me.  For years I was convinced that he was gay and when he revealed to me some years ago that he cross dressed, well I felt lied to and betrayed.  Now that he is so often caged, his honesty and sharing of desires come out without hesitation.  As Subby put it: "Being caged, I have nothing to hide".  Some of his desires are very alien to me, some I had never heard of and others have been incredibly rewarding for both of us.  We chose the conversation answers of "Never", "Not yet" and "Ok, lets give it a go".  This has removed any ambiguity and false hopes.  Knowing where we both stand helps to get to the pleasure points much faster.
We think chastity has been the best thing to have happened in our relationship and, unlike other things we have tried, it hasn't teetered off or shown any signs of getting boring.  Hubby is very creative and so keeping his brain activated is the key to a passionate relationship.  I'm more vanilla which certainly helps as he can't use his caged manhood and instead uses other parts of his body to maximum effect; plus these parts don't go limp as things get interesting;-)
Whilst he is caged, and usually from a week in, his brain is flooded with hormones and he is like having a teenager again.  Bloody exhausting sometimes but then telling him "No, not tonight" only frustrates him and heightens the experience for him so, a win-win I suppose.  I had not realised how impish I could be and learning to so 'no', which usually results in sad puppy-dog eyes, is so funny.  Clearly, learning to be a Domme is also teaching me things about myself too :-)
Thank you Devious1sworld for responding and getting my brain thinking again.  As with the other wonderful readers that have shared their thoughts, each comment makes me understand just a little better Why Do Men Like to be Caged.  In addition to this is the big bonus of, I get new stimulus on how to tease my poor Hubby just that little more.  For example, you have reminded me of 'spoiled orgasms' and that this is something that he is well overdue to receive.  He-he;-)
Thank you darling,
Mistress Dominique xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 15, 2021, 09:28:03 AM
Hello to all the wonderful people on Chastikey,
I am starting this posting with an acknowledgement to the beautiful members that have shared their thoughts and helped me to understand my Hubby, and also myself.
When I started this chat, the purpose was for me to understand why my hubby felt the need to have his junk locked away, for me to both know that he was locked and to be his KH.  Your thoughts and views have been so helpful with this and I love that so many of you are willing to share: you have been so brave!  I find that all of your comments enable me to think more broadly, both about my husbands needs and also mine.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul.  XX
Two years into our journey, and over a year of your support, I find that posting our journey has a profound effect upon me.  It enables me to connect more deeply with my Hubby and his alter ego, Subby.  It also gets my creative juices flowing to create new scenarios for us to have fun in:-)  I know that Subby gets very nervous as I type on my laptop, and so he should be;-)  However, these conversations have taken our passion for one another, further than it has been for a very long time.
I am quite a straight forward person: black or white, just get on with it, no talking about it, make a decision and stick with it.  Hubby is a talker and fantasist, he gets as much pleasure from exploring thoughts and ideas as I do with the act.
This is who I am and who he is but for a relationship to grow, one has to also grow to meet the other person half way.  I am proud of the openness between me and my wonderful husband, that has come about since the bravery that he showed in revealing his chastity needs: is like breathing fresh air for the first time.  That said, the constant talking can be very annoying to me and we need to work up a balance on 'lets just do it'.
As mentioned previously, Hubby suffers from ED.  This is a massive barrier both to his confidence as a male and to me as a fulfilled woman.  Neither he nor I know to what degree of impact that ED has had on getting us to where we are now, and don't get me wrong, we are in a good place, but we both feel that there is a better place yet to come.  Fortunately we have the amazing NHS and Hubby has been lucky enough to get support from a psychosexual therapist.  We did use one nearly 20 years ago, when he first revealed to me his cross-dressing, but 'specialist' was not good at their job and instead of enabling us to understand and accept, it made Hubby feel guilty about his needs and did little to enable me to accept them or to overcome the stigma that I have towards transvestitism.  Note: I am not judgemental of TVs or any gender choices, I just find it very hard to cope with the image of my masculine Hubby in a dress; I can't imagine ever wanting to see him dressed as so.
One advantage of Hubby now talking to a professional is he doesn't feel the need to 'go around the houses' with me when he is trying to frame his thoughts.  Hopefully, and the therapist is confident about this, his issues with ED will also be resolved.  I won't deny it, I am scared about what the resolutions for him might be.  We have been together for 30 years and if he gets to a conclusion where we both discover that neither one of us can meet each others needs, then that will be devastating.  However, we both know that we have but one life and happiness has to be the goal, right?
I welcome your thoughts and experiences on the above.  I need to prepare for the emotional rollercoaster that I suspect that we have both climbed onto, though I could be straying into Hubby's domain and over thinking it!?
Kindest regards,
Mistress D xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: bdsm on December 15, 2021, 12:58:08 PM
Relationships are about give'n'take; about accomodation, compromise.

So re cross-dressing.  This may be something that Subby has to "give".  But could there be a slight middle ground?  Would you be OK with him wearing knickers instead of underpants?  For me, part of the thrill of cross-dressing is "what if someone who knows me sees me; I'd be humiliated". So wearing knickers can get part of the way there.  This may be a way of scratching that itch without it being in your face.  Push it a little further; stockings instead of socks?  At least while he's out of the house (work, errands, whatever...).

You may even be able to frame it, mentally, as an extra way of giving you more control; if you throw away all his underpants (or lock them up in a box) then you're controlling his clothing.

Re ED.  I don't have a lot of experience here 'cos I've never found penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex that interesting so the lack of penetrative sex hasn't bothered me too much and my Mistress has had plenty of fun having me tied up next to her, pulling on my nipple clamps while playing with her Hitachi Magic Wand.  But I've heard of other couples using a strap-on as a substitute.  You can even get kits where a mold can be taken of his penis and that used to create the dildo.  He can then wear that (over his cage, if necessary!).  It's not the same, and requires a bit of fantasy in both your heads, but some people have reported success.  You can then joke that you own both his dicks :-)

Just some thoughts!
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 17, 2021, 11:06:32 AM
Hello bdsm,

Thank you for your thoughts, as always I now have a valuable and different perspective about the points I mentioned.

I suppose my greatest problem with the cross-dressing was being lied to and the secrecy that Hubby had with it.  Understandable, he was scared, but relationships are based on trust.  Your suggestions are more in the realm of 'privacy' than 'secrecy' and there isn't a great distance between tight male pants/trousers and ladies panties/stockings.

There is no rush on my part and the longer he has an 'itch' that can't be scratched, the more his frustrations might benefit to me;-) Possibly that sounds a little callous?

Regarding the ED, PIV has only occasionally been a great part of our relationship so perhaps I will take a leaf out your Mistress' book and charge up the wand!

Have a safe and wonderful Christmas,

Mistress D xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 21, 2021, 06:27:12 PM
Dear Subs, KHs and Dommes,
I am interested in whether any of you have written down the boundaries of your servitude as a sub or limits as KH/Domme?  Or perhaps you have a verbal ‘contract’ of what you will and won’t do?
I ask because, after a very intense session with Subby working so hard to fulfil my needs, I asked him what he gets from all of this since he is caged and can’t relieve himself?  Hubby is a very deep thinker and found it hard to explain verbally why he likes his role of servitude so much.
The following day I had a very detailed email from Hubby which laid out what he got from chastity, what he was hoping to do for me and also a list of requests.  It is very typical of him to do this type of writing for his job but it feels a little ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ and odd when it is addressed to me.  I suppose I am worried that he is viewing me differently from being his wife to now his Domme.  Or am I over thinking this?
Clearly Hubby has laid his desires out for me, which is honest and I did ask for he chastity reasons.  It is worth noting that Hubby has also made it very clear that there is no pressure on me to comply with his requests.  I still feel very new to this new development in our relationship at times.  I hope that some of you could explain whether it is normal to write a ‘contract’ or should I be worried that he is taking things too seriously?
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on December 28, 2021, 12:36:04 AM
Greetings Mistress Dominique,
Hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas and are looking forward to the New Year.

Is it "normal" to write a contract? I don't know... what's the definition of "normal"? When it comes to these types of contracts, there are only a couple of things that I know for certain. They are not legally enforceable (unfortunately) so it mainly rests on the honor and integrity of the persons involved. And the other thing is that the submissive aspect of my personality desperately craved one as soon as I heard about them.

I think this may be an aspect of the "being forced" mindset. Leaving the control to another with no responsibility - being free to allow oneself to accept all aspects of their personality/sexuality without fear of judgement because it's "someone else's" decision.

I don't know if your Subby feels that way too - it IS a common trait of male submissives. I commend him for having the fortitude to discuss his needs with you, the self awareness to know what those needs are, and the compassion to present it all in a manner that allows YOU to proceed or not, as YOU choose, with no pressure or expectations....only hope.

I think you have a good one there, Mistress Dominique - even if you have to keep him in line once in awhile.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on December 29, 2021, 05:25:28 PM
Hello odslutpuppy,
Yes, Christmas has been wonderful with lots of family time though new year is always a bit of a damper for us: "What else will mankind do to screw things up".  If only mankind could be caged and put into submission eh? ;-)
Thank you for sharing your views on the matter of 'contracts'.  Hearing a different perspective on the matter definitely helps me to think about this less judgementally or with concern.
Your comment about "Leaving the control to another with no responsibility..." certainly resonates with Hubby's character type.  I have seen him with a group of new people, frozen with what to say, until he is invited into the conversation and then you can't shut him up!  In terms of our relationship, he works so hard with 'making the right decision' to please me, he ends up annoying the heck out of me:-(  Perhaps when he is in subordinate character, then judgement is only of 'Subby' and not Hubby.  Interesting.
Men are not supposed to be so complicated, rumour is, women have the monopoly of that! ;-)
And "Shhhhhhh" about a "good one here", I don't want Subby getting too full of himself.  Mind you, an opportunity to discipline that out of him could be fun, he-he.
On the matter of discipliner, we have just returned from a couple of days away from home and children, so I have a fun story to share on that.  Up until we had gone away, Hubby was approaching day 28 of being caged, the  longest for him so far, and he presumed that the trip away might see some kind of reprise.  Well, following the sharing of the 'contract' with me, Subby got exactly what he asked for.  Stealing your legend "Be careful what you wish for...you just may get it and not in the way you expected."  More to follow once I've got over a stinking cold.
Take care  odslutpuppy and I wish you the very best for 2022!
Mistress D xx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on January 01, 2022, 02:31:12 AM
Happy new year and we hope that 2022 is wonderful, be it free or caged, for one and all!
With love,
Mistress Dominique and Subby xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on February 18, 2022, 02:49:28 PM
Hello KHs et al,
I would like your advice regarding punishment and how to heighten the experiences of my cross-dressing Subby.
I have become resigned to the fact that wearing woman's clothing is a fundamental need of his and,  to be honest,  is making his dedication to me more intense. Naturally I haven't let him know my resigned acceptance and only reward his servitude when it is necessary/effective. My questions are:
1. Should I continue to point out my distaste of his cross-dressing?  I don't want him to feel guilty or to develop a self-esteem complex
2. Forcing him to wear woman's clothes clearly isn't a punishment.  How do I incorporate discipline into our play by using cross-dressing?
3. How do I stop him becoming desensitised about the joy he gets from wearing lingerie if he is wearing it more and more often to control his 'itch'?  I ask because he has been uncaged for 2 weeks: I removed it because I wanted to and he wasn't getting anything from it (the oppositesin fact). He still has not cheated yet (trust me,  I know) but is still serving me like a caged puppy
Please give me you views and exhorting so that I can kick-start  our play into a new direction.
Kind regards
Mistress D xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: odslutpuppy on February 19, 2022, 06:01:57 PM
Greetings Mistress Dominique,

You certainly pose some interesting questions, and there are probably those better to provide some answers... but I have some thoughts on the subject that I will share for whatever they are worth.

Regarding your first question, I feel that I must preface any response by saying that I am not a medical/psychology professional, so take what you will from any comments. I think that you can continue to express your distaste for crossdressing without compromising his "self worth" image - particularly if he has a bit of a humiliation fetish. But you may want to use your expression of distaste somewhat sparingly. Not only to avoid guilt feelings, but also to ensure that he doesn't become "desensitized" to how this aspect affects YOU, so that he forgets the privilege you are granting him.

Question 2 is a little easier (thank goodness). There are a number of things that come to mind that you might utilize in a disciplinary fashion. First and foremost is the "threat" of taking it away. Ensuring he knows that displeasing you will result in the loss of the privilege to crossdress can be a powerful tool in your repertoire - provided that you follow through. (And I suspect there would be no problem with that 😉 ). Secondly, you could acquire some "punishment" clothing (depending on Subby's fetish). Some popular ideas are 'Granny' panties, school girl outfit, plain bloomers, etc. Common to a feminization fetish is silk, satin, lace material - something that looks pretty and sexy. By avoiding that it can take the "fun" out of the wearing. By taking away the clothes that appeal to him and making him wear unappealing garments it can serve to reinforce the behaviour that you want. Thirdly, you mentioned in another thread about his possible "concerns" about comments at the gym regarding his shaved body. How do you think he would react to the  "threat" of having to wear a thong along with garter belt and stockings to the gym? It would seem to me that, just the threat of that type of exposure would be enough to keep him in line (unless, of course, he has a huge humiliation fetish).

Your 3rd question is one that I'm not sure how to answer. With enough exposure, we humans can become desensitized to anything. Just compare the amount of both sex and violence in television and movies over the past 50 years, and you'll see a significant change in what is tolerated. It can happen. Having said that, all I can offer is a personal observation. My wife has indulged my interest to the point where all of my male underwear was thrown out years ago. And since that time I wear panties 24/7. While in some ways it is just a pair of underwear, there remains to this day a certain thrill every day when I pick out a clean pair and slip them on. And when she gifts me with a new pair, it sends me back to the first time in my mind, strengthening the bond between us.

Sorry for the lengthy response - hope it helps in some way.
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: dominiquerichards81 on February 21, 2022, 11:47:15 AM
Hello Odslutpuppy,
Good to hear from you again.
It always helps to hear from others 'in the know', regarding chastity and everything that goes with it.  The FLR that Hubby has asked for is so far removed from our day-to-day life with our day-to-day friends: it is sometimes hard to know what is 'right', what is 'wrong' and, when I am being too 'kind' to my Subby.  Your thoughts always help me to reflect on this and to stop thinking too much.  Return to basics "Mistress D, Subby works hard, you simply direct!" Or something along those lines.
I think that your wife is clearly a wonderful person but I do hope that she reminds you of that by taking your sexy underwear away too, I would hate to think that you are missing out on the necessity of punishment too!  he-he;-)
I agree with you, humans can become desensitised to many things, like you say, "Look at TV".  The mind is an amazing thing also, and I think the trials of work for the last couple of months has taken our intimacy away and it is that, an active mind, which makes all of the physical experiences enjoyable.  Making it fun is also important and the bloomers ideas will be funny, especially for me.  Can you imagine the humiliation Subby will get going to the gym in frilly shorts or a chafing thong that just pokes out of the top of his leggings;-)
Anyway, thank you O'
Take care and continue to worship your wife.
Mistress D xxx
Title: Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
Post by: infonitelockee on February 27, 2022, 05:32:16 AM
Dear Sluts, Slaves, Trainees and Keyholders,
I was not sure whether to add this into my “New to being a keyholder” post or start a new chat.  Clearly, I decided on the latter and have done this to keep the conversations separate and, hopefully, easier to follow.  If you are new to my posts then it might help to read the aforementioned ‘chat’ as it will put this conversation into better context.

I need your advice about why my husband wants, in fact needs, to be caged and punished.

In the initial stages of my hubby exploring chastity, he locked himself up, for quite some time without telling me.  It was only during lock down 1 that he had the courage to tell me, which I applaud him for as he clearly was struggling with his sexual needs at the time.  During the early stages I was just aware of when he was locked but as time went on he asked me to be his keyholder.  I found this very strange and still cannot understand why he needs me to be the KH.  I welcome your views on that one 
Being his KH progressed into role play and, more recently, the role play has become a way of life.  Even when he is out of his cage, I find that I am more commanding and stricter on him than earlier on in our marriage.  He also responds to this and is so much more attentive and interesting to be around; he actually shares his thoughts more.
What I don’t understand is why he accepts the punishments.  I know that he can relieve himself, even when caged, but he seems to not want to.  I have asked him for his view on the matter and I am not convinced that he fully understands the need to be dominated or why he accepts the punishments so willingly.  Let’s be candid, I have been getting quite cruel recently and sense that he still wants more!
Hubby has said that:
1. His work life is so intense and he has so many responsibilities, being a slave is relaxing for him
2. When caged his hormone levels build up and the cage is a constant reminder that he shouldn’t relieve himself without my permission.  For him, this is constant joy!
3. That, as he has got older, he sometime suffers from ED and being a servant to me, without the use of his manhood, means he can still enjoy the passion of pleasing me without the guilt of being a disappointment in bed (something that I have never berated him for)
I am struggling to understand whether I am being unkind to him with the punishments and could in fact be reinforcing his lack of libido?
What are your views, self-reflection and great wisdom that you can share with me?

Yours truly and bemused,
Mistress Dominique xx

Hello Ma'am,

As far as I'm concerned, I like knowing that the keyholder takes pleasure in frustrating me..

 The more she takes pleasure, the more I like it.  Especially if she lets go of her sadistic side by teasing me or humiliating me, showing me her own pleasure with a sextoy or a lover knowing that after that I myself would be unable to provide myself with equivalent pleasure.

I like to feel the desperation to enjoy gradually rising and overwhelming me until I'm almost mad.  crying, begging for a release that won't come because that's when the Keyholder decides to double my sentence...
Just because she can...
Just because it amuses her and it's  excites her...

The more the Keyholder is cruel, the more I like it.

 Even if in a burst of utter cruelty she decided that I should become unable to get a hard-on and my cock should shrink I would be happy to be the object of her cruelty.

Oh of course I will beg her to abandon her disastrous project because I know that once this point is reached there is no reason to release my cock since the cock has become totally useless...

 I know that by admitting this publicly  I take the risk that a particularly cruel Keyholder could be tempted and decide to do it at all costs...
If it were to happen, I would accept it since I like it's cruelty...

I would surely regret every day  to have accepted but a part of me would still be happy to be the toy of a Keyholder even more cruel than in my wildest dreams