Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?

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Offline odslutpuppy

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #15 on: August 04, 2021, 03:23:24 PM »
"Wondering if a bra should be included; possibly too far?" There's a fine tightrope to walk with that question. "Pushing" kink on others without their consent is generally frowned upon. Depends too on how open you are with your friends. If one of the other walkers notices the outline of the bra, will it result in awkwardness or some good natured teasing?

Of course he should have to wash them before returning your panties. It will help him remember to be better prepared in the future. Shared wash facilities are just like good comedy... timing is EVERYTHING. If he's lucky, he can time it so that he's the only one using the facility at the time. If not, maybe others will think that he's just being helpful to you.
Be careful what you wish for... you just may get it and not in the way you expected.


Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #16 on: August 04, 2021, 07:51:02 PM »
Agreed, and thank you for the etiquette guidance; I'm still unsure of what is OK and what is too far.
The panties were enough and Subby was a complete gentleman; at my elbow the whole time.
It was quite a challenging walk and I certainly needed he assistance on one very step climb: wobbly knee time for me again:-( without doubt,  removal of his cage was the safest thing to do and didn't impact on his attention to detail.
That said,  now that we're back, showered and shared undies freshly washed,  Subby has asked to be caged again.
What is it about the comfort of an often uncomfortable cage? Is it psychological?
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique x

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Offline bdsm

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #17 on: August 04, 2021, 07:58:33 PM »
What is it about the comfort of an often uncomfortable cage?
Why is it uncomfortable?  Most of the time I forget it's there, until there's the reminder (eg bending over to pick something it... or, of course, the overnight erection).  It may take time to get used to it, but eventually it should just feel natural.

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #18 on: August 04, 2021, 08:53:53 PM »
Hello bdsm,
Yes, Subby has explained to me that through the day,  unless he is doing particularly strenuous activity, he forgets that he has a cage on. 
The nighttime is definitely his most difficult time.  He uses baby oil and vasaline but still wakes up several times each night. Mostly this isn't a problem but over the length of a week the broken sleep does worry me,  especially if he is driving. That said, he does feel that he has more physical energy and feels emotionally relaxed each morning.
Is there light at the tunnel,  will the nighttime sort itself out with time? I have checked the size of the ring and it appears to have enough space for movement; the fact that he forgets that it is there during the day further supports this thinking.
I'm sure that he would welcome your advice though.
Kind regards
Mistress Dominique x

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Offline bdsm

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #19 on: August 04, 2021, 09:29:13 PM »
Overnight erections are natural.  3 or 4 per night is not un-normal.  So overnight cage erections are a consequence.  Some people claim it goes away... it doesn't for me.  My longest lock is over 170 days and I was still having overnight erections.

What helps, for me, is ensuring I pee a lot before bedtime.  Also shaving pubes (not totally smooth, but very short) helps because what wakes me up is the pubic hair getting caught between the penis shaft and the ring and then on an erection the cage pulling forwards and so effectively pulling the pubic hairs.  Ouch!

Without the pain I can sleep through most overnight erections.

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #20 on: August 05, 2021, 11:04:13 AM »
Hello bdsm,
I have required Subby to shave regularly and so that has probably helped him. It could simply be "breaking in time" is the solution.  The way he describes the pain,  it is the folds of skin at the bottom of his scrotum which get squashed when he is erect.  I suppose that is something that goes with time or does he need a larger ring?
This is so complicated to me;-)
Mistress D

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Offline odslutpuppy

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #21 on: August 05, 2021, 05:18:10 PM »
Mistress Dominique,
If you can insert your pinky finger between the ring and his body up to the first knuckle, then the ring is not too tight and it would be inadvisable to switch to a larger ring.

The area of the scrotum you're describing is a "softer" part of the anatomy and it takes some time for the skin to toughen up. Keeping it slightly lubricated may help, but time will be the big factor. One thing to watch for (from personal experience) is to make sure that the area is not being rubbed raw. The lubrication should help with that, but vigilance is important.
Be careful what you wish for... you just may get it and not in the way you expected.


Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2021, 06:44:48 PM »
Hello Odslutpuppy,
Great to hear from you again.
My goodness, this is all very complicated,  maintenance of my hubby is almost as bad as my car; and that hasn't been hoovered in years;-)
Still,  I suppose the investment in his upkeep pays for improved servitude of yours truly and that is definitely worth it,  particularly recently :-)
You men are high maintenance though.  It says on the tin "Treate like a puppy dog" but in reality you are more like racing horses and constantly need rubbing down!!!
Regarding the 'raw' he is certainly getting red.  It might be necessary for an early release and a couple of days of R&R. He won't like that!
What is your advice here?
Mistress Dominique xx

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Offline odslutpuppy

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2021, 11:40:37 PM »
Complicated, Mistress Dominique? Men aren't complicated (or so I've been told). We only think about two things, right? 😉😋

I'd advise to keep a close watch on the redness and to have him lubricate the area more frequently for a couple of days to see if that helps. Trust me that prevention is better than the alternative because it seems to take forever to heal if it gets to the raw, open sore stage.

What type of ring does your device use? A solid ring or a handcuff ring? If it's the handcuff style often the rivet is made of a nickel alloy and a significant number of people have a sensitivity to nickel - which causes additional issues. Also, the rivet itself seems to lie just in the right spot to irritate that sensitive skin.

If you do note that the irritation is increasing, I'd advise release until the area returns to normal. He may not like it, but it's not his job to like it... it's his job to do what makes YOU happy. 😁
Be careful what you wish for... you just may get it and not in the way you expected.


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Offline Samantha64

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #24 on: August 07, 2021, 05:12:26 PM »
Mistress Dominique,

Hi,
Late to the party but I thought I would add some information. Playing with Chastity for 3 or 4 years now but it has taken a while to find both a cage type and ring size that suits me. Started on the CB range - the ones that hinge at the bottom of the ring but found that painful closing. Metal ones just too heavy and bulky. In a Holy Trainer type one now and have been for most of the past year (working from home in the pandemic - godsend for chastity!). I did have to use a nail file to smooth off some of the casting marks. Currently I have a bit of plaster stuck to the cage which stopped the final place it rubbed.
Cage length - again it took a while to decide what suited me. My cage allows me to start getting aroused but no more. I do have a cage that would allow full erection but that doesn't do it for me. I wouldn't want to try a ultra small cage that allowed no room - not sure on the long term effects of that.
Baby lotion when I put the cage one.
Removed once a week generally for cleaning.
Intrigued on the shave closer but not smooth answer previously supplied. Electric shaver so I don't know how to do that.
I think twice in the past year one of my nuts has slipped behind the ring - normally when I have twisted or stretched. Not painful luckily but one should always have an emergency key available just in case. Mine is in a small clear perspex box padlocked - very much in case of emergency smash!
I'm single so can't really answer the very start of your thread about why a married man would wish chastity.
Summer so i'm trying to cycle ever day - no way I can do that with the cage on. So every day I remove the cage, cycle, have a warm shower soaping around that area but resist temptation, and lock the cage back on. So what i'm trying to say is that in my mind i'm in chastity 24/7 even if not actually wearing the cage 24/7.
As an aside I've just finished a 44 day stint last night and I feel bare, like something is missing today.
Hope this helps.

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #25 on: August 07, 2021, 07:17:53 PM »
Hello Samantha64 and thank you for adding to the conversation.
All thoughts and experiences are welcome. What is interesting to me is that everyone has their own method and I'm pleased that there is no judgement upon what is right or wrong.
Etiquette guidance is always useful and is never taken negatively.
I suppose my interest, in addition to the logistics of being caged,  is why you men do it.  Sharing each others reasons helps me to understand what my hubby needs but also what I can add to the experience to make it fun without making it something dark.
I read one book,  Taming the Beast, which had some interesting ideas and advice but the way that the man's wife talks about him is as though he is nothing more than a dog.  I respect my hubby and know that he tries his hardest.  However,  he also likes to be caged and for me to be in control of his freedom.  Thus far,  the times I have been a real cow to him have all been in role play and so not every minute thoughts, nor how he knows I actually feel about him; we discuss these games often to check.
Not sure if that makes sense but I welcome your thoughts all the same.
Kind regards,
Mistress Dominique xx

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Offline softspeak

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Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #26 on: August 08, 2021, 03:00:40 AM »
     As a male, I think I can give a bit of input, my opinion anyway, to the question, "Why do men like to be caged".
       I can't give an easy answer, even if there were just one.  But I can tell you what mine is.  I was married for many years. My late wife and I had a wonderful life in the bedroom and in the world.  Unfortunately, I never had the bravery to tell her about my thoughts about using a cage. I can’t know her opinion, but bondage was mutually enjoyed.  I bought my cage too late to share with her.  But, back to the question.
     In my case, I love the ability to be reminded of my submission and loss of the choice to change my mind about it.  I believe I have always been a submissive and my cage is a constant and undeniable reminder of belonging to my keyholder.  It removes all of the inhibitions and socially imprinted expectations of my male position in a relationship.  As a man, even one such as I, who believes women are superior, we have been conditioned to believe the man should have the final word. Although I always try to compromise the best I can but my GF or Wife will always win.
     Again, back to the question, the cage gives the keyholder the power to have us do anything she wants while removing any excuse we may be able to think of to object.  Thereby, it frees me, allows me to bow down, and give all to her. That feeling of freedom is priceless to me.
      (I love being owned by a woman, and the cage reminds me of my position constantly.)

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #27 on: August 08, 2021, 02:55:25 PM »
Quite apart from the kink scene, bright nerds run their brains really hard, and need grounding techniques to back off from overload. These essentially express as various forms of sensory denial, commonly latex and bondage without much of the dsm end - they're pretty sure of themselves if they haven't been wrecked by the neurotypical-neurodivergent conflict, not being "normal".

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #28 on: August 08, 2021, 03:16:11 PM »
Just to observe the protocols, someone talked about rope play here. Safe, Sane, Consensual implies having a decent rope-cutters to hand as an emergency release, and the usual suggestion, surgical shears, don't rate in practice - try them to see. I use X-Shears, which are up to the job. Try to learn from a shibari studio, because standard knot in common use can "turn over" into a dangerous form, the reef/square knot being a classic case, becoming a lark's head slip-knot.

Re: Why do men like to be caged; to help a wife understand?
« Reply #29 on: August 08, 2021, 06:24:24 PM »
Hello Softspeak,
Honestly and eloquently put, thank you for sharing.  And quite right,  we women like you men to be men as long as you get it right, and when you don't,  which is often  it is our responsibility to remind you of it;-)
How sad that your wonderful wife was taken from you before you were able to share all of your dimensions and for you both to explore them together.  So sad... It is hearing experiences like this that makes me so grateful that my hubby took the plunge and was able to reveal his need to be caged.  I know how scared he was in doing this and I am sure he is not unique in this.
Yes, my Subby has said the same,  regarding handing over his freedom and how liberating this is for him: "when I am caged,  I no longer have to be the sexually charged stud, as existed by society,  and instead can focus upon the deeply fulfilling desire to pleasure you with my entire body and mind."
Again, thank you for sharing.
I would love to know how more woman find having a caged husband. Perhaps, Softspeak, if it is not uncouth of me to ask,  what are your partner's view?  Sorry if this is rude to ask and feel free to ignore.
Yours kindly,
Mistress Dominique xx